Wrecked by Grace

Its funny how the Lord can teach us things twice. Sometimes even just more than in a single instance, like in the day to day. The same truths that wrecked my heart and changed my life last summer are wrecking me in a totally new way.

That's how awesome our God is; how He can take a piece of scripture that we've read countless times or a reminder of His unchanging character to captivate our hearts again and again. 

Last summer I taught English in universities and hung out with high school and college students: playing sports, shopping, and doing a lot of eating. It was such a fun summer. Most days, although exhausting, were overall pretty easy. Friendships came naturally and many were very open to the gospel. 

The Lord used last summer to teach me so much about His grace. Not just the grace that He has shown me in granting me salvation, but His daily grace. So I starting counting: writing down all the gifts that God graced me with as I went through my day to day life. Gifts like a good cup of coffee, an encouraging conversation, a smile from a stranger, getting to try a new food, or an afternoon rain shower. 

Simple things that God gives us daily to remind us of how great a Father He is. Gifts to show us of His unchanging and never failing love. 

I counted and the Lord amazed me. My eyes became so opened to His goodness and His tender love for His children. I realized how much I took His blessings for granted. I saw the selfishness in my own heart, how I thought that I deserved the things that He has graced me with. 

Counting changed me. It changed my attitude. It changed my outlook on life. It changed my view of God. 

And one greek word from Luke 22:19 has become a lifestyle: 

“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them…” 

"To give thanks" in the greek reads: Eucharisteo.
The root of eucharisteo is charis, which means grace. Because of God's grace, we can be thankful. But eucharisteo also holds the derivative of chara, meaning joy. 

Charis. Grace. Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Chara. Joy.

Because of God's grace, we can be thankful, and when we have an attitude of thanks, this brings joy. 

True, life giving, eye-opening chara joy. 

And last summer it was easy to believe this truth. It was easy to count. It was easy to be thankful. It was easy to see His abundant grace while hanging out with friends and laughing and eating. Counting came naturally and God's grace was evident everywhere.

This summer, however, has been different. Because its been hard to find the joy in the midst of so much pain. Its hard to find encouragement while being surrounded by so much evil. Its hard to smile, as you walk down the streets, passing beautiful girls waiting to be bought. Its hard to be happy when you see girls that you have built relationships with, being led to hotels by Western men. Its hard to act unfazed when you pass ladyboys being treated like objects. Its tough to watch old married men shoot pool with our young girls, not even ashamed enough to take off their wedding ring. 

Its even easier, in these situations, to ask God "why?" It would be easy to see the pain and the hurt and assume that God has forgotten them. It would be easy to think that His grace just "skipped" over these girls. It would be easy to become hardened and numb. It would be understandable to become discouraged and even depressed. 

And honestly, without the Lord sustaining me and re-teaching me about His grace- thats exactly where I'd be.

So I'm thankful. And I'm overwhelmed, not only by immenseness of the darkness, but by His light, which shines brighter. As my team and I took a two day vacation for some much needed rest, the Lord totally blew my mind with His goodness and faithfulness. 

And I counted again and he amazed me moment by moment with His grace. 

510. The feeling of sand between your toes

529. Picture-perfect boats at sea

528. Swimming in a pool of glass

522. Majestic sunrises- declaring God's glory

552. New mercies each morning

515. Sound of waves crashing against the shore

604. The feeling of victory after hiking up a mountain of stairs

507. Getting to chill with some monkeys

670. Being in places that people dream about on Pintrest

And as I counted and remembered God's goodness and His faithfulness and His love, the burden of our ministry became lighter. If God is good and His blessings are great just in my two days being away, than He is still good even as I walk through the red light districts. His character and His grace don't change depending on where I am and what I do each day. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And I am reminded of a sweet psalm of David:

"You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" Ps. 56:8

God cares enough for us to keep a record of every care of our hearts and every tear we have shed. So how much more should I, his daughter, keep count of His blessings? 

He hears their cries. He sees their pain and their hurt. And He feels the heaviness of my heart. 

He knows.

And His grace is greater still. Greater than the weight of the sin. It is deep enough and wide enough to engulf the sorrows of this world. 

So I rest in this truth. And I'm ready to see how He is going to move in these last 3 weeks I have here. I'm in anticipation- eyes wide open- to see Him do marvelous wonders. Whether thats causing the sun to rise once again, beginning a new day with new mercies- or adopting lost souls that we have pleaded to God for on their behalf. Both are miracles. Both are gifts. Both can lead me to worship Him and recognize His sovereignty. 

Either way, I'm counting His gifts and witnessing His faithfulness and I'm in amazement of His steadfast love. 

And in this posture of thankfulness I'm okay with being wrecked by the darkness and the pain. I'm okay with the hurt and the burden, as long as He continues to daily wreck me even greater with His incomprehensible grace.