Clearer Vision

Whirlwind.

The only word I can think of to describe my time here. So much to do, yet so little time. In this past week we have said goodbyes to many. To all the lively students we taught at the University. To all the sweet children at English camps. To all of the 23 precious smiles in the village. We have been showered with so much love. So many hugs. So many blessings. But, the hardest part of it all was driving away from the village, away from the sweet children that we had grown close to. The ones we sang, danced, and laughed with. The ones that we were able to share stories about Jesus with. The ones that softly spoke their prayers together in Thai. The ones that stole my heart.

Driving away from them, was definitely the hardest thing I've been through so far. Because we know that some of them experience hunger daily. We know and we have seen the neglect. We know that there is no church, no body of believers anywhere close by. Only empty temples, on every corner. We know and have seen the lack of hope. Of love. Of joy.

How badly my heart breaks for them to know. To know about God's might and power and glory as He sits upon His throne. To know about His tenderness that knitted them together in their mother's womb. To know that the same God that numbered the stars has numbered every hair on their heads. To know about His sacrifice, in sending His own Son to die for us. To know about about His unconditional redeeming love, chasing us without relenting. To know about His patience, even when we are faithless, He always remains faithful. To know about His overflowing, never-ending, all-encompassing gift of lavish grace. To know about how He is their perfect Father, never leaving nor forsaking them.

Knowing these truths. This is hope. This is peace. This is joy.
And that's exactly my prayer for them. To know and to experience and to believe.

And with tears streaming down as we drove away on that red-dirt, pot hole-filled road the Lord sweetly held me and whispered:

"I am the Perfect Father."

"I love them more."

"I am faithful."
And I know and am reminded that He knows. He cares. And that He will be faithful to continue the work that was started. After all, it is His glorious work. None of it was us, out of our own power. But only Christ's. All that was accomplished was only through Him. And I'm at peace knowing that even though I can't be there to see the harvest, He will be faithful to send more workers. He will be faithful to change hearts and lives, to seek and save them.

Seeing the need. Loving the ones in need. Changes you. I don't really know how to go back home and live a comfortable American life. I now know that living in a foreign country, away from family, friends, and the comforts of home is no longer a fear of mine. My biggest fear is coming back home and following what society- and even many church bodies deem as "life plan." Finishing college. Getting married. Having a 9 to 5 job and a nice home. With nice cars and cute kids. Chasing after the perfect, Pinterest-approved life. Tithing, but never till it hurts. Serving, but only when I don't have something more important to do. Loving, but only where I'm comfortable. This is my fear.

Because after seeing the need, after experiencing God's presence and the joy that He brings in being obedient and taking leaps of faith- My biggest fear is living the American dream. I want to live in the more. In the daily sacrifice. In the daily serving. In the daily loving.

And truly, this kind of living and loving can be done anywhere. In the rice fields of Thailand or in the streets of Memphis. But how many believers are truly living in the daily sacrifice?

This is my prayer for my life and for my brothers and sisters in Christ. That we trust Him enough to give, even if we don't have. That we love Him enough to obey His commands. That we would have bold faith in Him: that picking up our cross would be a daily action. That going and making disciples would be without hesitation.


"Until the whole world hears."

Hope in the midst of darkness

Beauty in the Chaos

Wow. It's already been 5 weeks here. I can't believe it. These past few weeks have been crazy busy and the time is sadly flying by. I feel like we just got here yesterday. This place actually is feeling like home. We have learned our way around and have developed close relationships already in such a short time. I can't imagine how quick these few weeks left are going to go by, and it already makes me sad to think about leaving. With that in mind, it causes us to cherish every moment we have here. I'm praying that we've been able to encourage the church here and the many youth that we have been involved with. How different living the Christian life here in Thailand is than living the easy Christian life back home. Here, its rare and an absolute blessing to have several friends that are believers. Here, if someone says they are praying for you- you know they truly are. Here, its not just church lingo. It's real life. Its a WAY of life. I've been so encouraged and challenged during my time here. Never before have I seen a body that has been so dedicated to prayer. Every Wednesday they meet, sometimes at church, sometimes in a home. The members meet and pray over any requests, for sometimes hours, lifting them to our Heavenly Father, who hears and answers. Often times- they meet and pray over a family and their new home. The church here displays a beautiful picture of what being apart of one body means. Helping one another, relying on one another, praying for one another.

I begun to truly learn the power of prayer. This past week, we had a meeting to discuss and pray over the children in the village that we minister to every Friday. The last week we came, they were absolutely uncontrollable. The boys were fighting and beating up one another. Constant screaming, misbehaving, and disrespect. None listened during the bible story- the one opportunity for them to hear about Jesus each week. Most of our team members left that day very discouraged and weary. Our hearts break for these children. Most of their home lives are very bad. Many don't have anyone to look after them while their parents or relatives are busy. Hardly any of them know what love and discipline are. Poverty is a real problem there. I know there are several that don't get 3 meals a day. 2 weeks ago a young boy came to our center carrying his younger brother. The boy must have been around 12 and has a mental disability. His brother, just a toddler, also had what seemed to be a similar disability. The little boy had no pants, neither of them had shoes. Our Thai team members tried to communicate with the older one, but no one could understand him. I sat and helped my friend Astrid feed the young boy. Even crackers were difficult for him to eat. My heart broke as I learned that the older boy is not allowed to go to school, because of his disability. While his parents are away, he was given the responsibility to care for his brother too... When really someone should be caring for him. The is the reality here.

The past week that we went to village, however, was different. We saw them play together peacefully. Enjoying the games without getting upset or fighting. During the bible study, almost all listened intently and participated in talking about Jesus. We all left so encouraged and thankful that the children behaved and listened during our time there. The kids were so loving: sharing and helping and showering us with affection. This might sound so small, but what an encouragement it was to our team who has worked hard to be a light in such a dark place.

One thing that has stuck with me every day since- is our visit to the temple in the village. Most cities and towns have a temple every few miles or so. They are elaborate and big buildings, surrounded by countless carved stone pillars, filled with ashes of loved ones. Spirit houses are set around with small idols of buddah inside. Certain trees are believed to have spirits, and are adorned with fabric, and even women's clothing. This one temple in particular though, was locked shut. Around the temple was dirty and unkept. As we walked farther into the temple grounds, we found a building, with paintings on each wall. Images so awful, I'm still have trouble keeping them out of my mind. The pictures I took of the things painted on the walls are too graphic to share. Dozens of people, naked, bloody. Being tortured. Killed. Burned. Eaten by animals. Humans with animal heads and strange creatures tormenting countless bodies. I assume this is what they believe is hell. In each of the murals, Buddah sat there, in the sky- smiling. It made no sense. There were no pictures of heaven. None of life. No peace. No joy. I walked away with a sick stomach and broken heart for this people. They truly believe this. that there is no grace. Only punishment for your bad behavior. No hope. No way out of this destiny. No forgiveness. No compassion.

Yet, in the midst of the darkness- there was light. Even in the middle of the chaos and lies there was hope. As we walked away from one of the smaller temples, I turned around to see something so beautiful and unexpected. A small tree held two wooden posts, nailed together- held high above all the things near. A cross. Beauty in the chaos.

Even if that was solely placed there on accident, without any meaning- it had a purpose, if even to just encourage us. It was a blessing. A gift. And I'm thankful for the reminder that even in the midst of darkness and pain, Christ is there.



I cherish your thoughts and prayers. As our time is short here, pray that we would be bold in our relationships with our students and have opportunities to share the gospel. Pray that God would send missionaries to Chiang Phang- the village. Its only one among the millions of small groups of peoples separated from any form of the gospel. Pray for endurance for our team as we are constantly busy.