Clearer Vision

Whirlwind.

The only word I can think of to describe my time here. So much to do, yet so little time. In this past week we have said goodbyes to many. To all the lively students we taught at the University. To all the sweet children at English camps. To all of the 23 precious smiles in the village. We have been showered with so much love. So many hugs. So many blessings. But, the hardest part of it all was driving away from the village, away from the sweet children that we had grown close to. The ones we sang, danced, and laughed with. The ones that we were able to share stories about Jesus with. The ones that softly spoke their prayers together in Thai. The ones that stole my heart.

Driving away from them, was definitely the hardest thing I've been through so far. Because we know that some of them experience hunger daily. We know and we have seen the neglect. We know that there is no church, no body of believers anywhere close by. Only empty temples, on every corner. We know and have seen the lack of hope. Of love. Of joy.

How badly my heart breaks for them to know. To know about God's might and power and glory as He sits upon His throne. To know about His tenderness that knitted them together in their mother's womb. To know that the same God that numbered the stars has numbered every hair on their heads. To know about His sacrifice, in sending His own Son to die for us. To know about about His unconditional redeeming love, chasing us without relenting. To know about His patience, even when we are faithless, He always remains faithful. To know about His overflowing, never-ending, all-encompassing gift of lavish grace. To know about how He is their perfect Father, never leaving nor forsaking them.

Knowing these truths. This is hope. This is peace. This is joy.
And that's exactly my prayer for them. To know and to experience and to believe.

And with tears streaming down as we drove away on that red-dirt, pot hole-filled road the Lord sweetly held me and whispered:

"I am the Perfect Father."

"I love them more."

"I am faithful."
And I know and am reminded that He knows. He cares. And that He will be faithful to continue the work that was started. After all, it is His glorious work. None of it was us, out of our own power. But only Christ's. All that was accomplished was only through Him. And I'm at peace knowing that even though I can't be there to see the harvest, He will be faithful to send more workers. He will be faithful to change hearts and lives, to seek and save them.

Seeing the need. Loving the ones in need. Changes you. I don't really know how to go back home and live a comfortable American life. I now know that living in a foreign country, away from family, friends, and the comforts of home is no longer a fear of mine. My biggest fear is coming back home and following what society- and even many church bodies deem as "life plan." Finishing college. Getting married. Having a 9 to 5 job and a nice home. With nice cars and cute kids. Chasing after the perfect, Pinterest-approved life. Tithing, but never till it hurts. Serving, but only when I don't have something more important to do. Loving, but only where I'm comfortable. This is my fear.

Because after seeing the need, after experiencing God's presence and the joy that He brings in being obedient and taking leaps of faith- My biggest fear is living the American dream. I want to live in the more. In the daily sacrifice. In the daily serving. In the daily loving.

And truly, this kind of living and loving can be done anywhere. In the rice fields of Thailand or in the streets of Memphis. But how many believers are truly living in the daily sacrifice?

This is my prayer for my life and for my brothers and sisters in Christ. That we trust Him enough to give, even if we don't have. That we love Him enough to obey His commands. That we would have bold faith in Him: that picking up our cross would be a daily action. That going and making disciples would be without hesitation.


"Until the whole world hears."